Post by Shock on Feb 20, 2007 16:36:31 GMT -5
The DAILY Chronicles – STRIP CLUBS
Ahhhhh, I know what you each and everyone are thinking..."Why in the hell has it taken Randy so long to talk about something that has to be so near and dear to his heart?" Well, contrary to what you might believe, Randy is not a regular patron to these fine establishments that have been helping the single mom, college student and (my favorite) the exhibitionist make ends meet (plus some).
I know many of you are sitting there in front of your computer think I am a bold faced liar. Think what you will, but it has been almost five years since I was a regular customer at any of these fine adult establishments. That is until recently. I had an opportunity present itself that I just found too good to pass up (midget)...but we'll talk about that later.
First off, don't think that I am going to sit here and tell you that you should or shouldn't go... 'cause I don't give a damn. I'm not gonna sit here and say how wrong it is for these girls to be subjecting themselves to this... 'cause I don't give a damn... instead I am going to talk about a few things that I find humorous (I've already mentioned a freakin' midget) and maybe give you the rundown of your good friend Randy's night out.
First of all, let's talk about these fools who come into the club and after sitting there for thirty minutes without so much as clapping for any of the girls, decide they have a favorite. Sure this is innocent enough... after all we all have our favorite everything...jeans, t-shirts, song and (speaking for most any guy who has ever entered a room where there were the fine creatures of the opposite sex) girls. But this gets blown WAY out of proportion in the clubs. Here's what happens...
1. You enter the club
2. You find the perfect seat that suits what you want to get out of the night
3. You order a drink (usually a beer..cause that's a mans drink)
4. You sit there and try to act like you're not at a strip club (you watch the sports highlights on the numerous big screen television and talk to your buddies about Kobe and Shaq)
5. You decide you'll go pass your wealth (a freakin' dollar bill) to your dancer of choice
6. You make fun of the cheesy strip club DJ when you know you would do anything to have his job
7. You finally see "Your Girl" and go tip again...maybe even a five this time (because damn it...she the hottest girl in here and has the best personality and doesn’t seem fake like the rest)
8. "Your Girl" stops by your table and talks to you for a few minutes and then asks if you want a dance and of course you say yes
9. "Your Girl" returns 45 minutes later to talk again
10. She gets up and you turn to your buddies and inform them that you think that she likes you.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Sorry about that...everytime I think of it, it makes me piss my pants a little.
Now let's break this down. I'm gonna start with the painful part first.... SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU!!!!!!!!!!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Sorry...get's me every time. Robin Williams once said that God gave men two heads and only enough blood to run one at a time. Never has a more true statement been uttered. You're a customer...that's it. Now go back and read my ten items that happen at a strip club. Now imagine that instead of talking about a strip club, we're now talking about a used car dealership. You show up...look around...find the car you want... have a salesman stop by... you talk...he leaves... he comes back...he leaves again. Hmmm, that sounds vaguely familiar...OH YEAH I JUST GAVE THE SAME SCENERIO...only a used car lot doesn't make you horny.
Now I know what some of you are thinking...these are still girls and they have to have normal lives too, so maybe you are the exception to the rule and she really does like you...that's what every other guy is thinking right now too. The real life part is true and if you ever meet one of them when their not working and you hit it off and talk...then you may actually have a chance. But when they are at the office, they are masters of their game. A lot of sales people are familiar with NLP (Nuero Linguistic Programming). It's a way of using language to effect situations. Well the girls have their own NLP (Noise Liquor and Puss...why can't you see).
That being said, if you go...then go and have a good time and spend that money because in some countries women get killed for showing their face and we pay lots of money to have them show us WAY more.
By now, I'm guessing that most of you have forgotten about my mentioning a midget...unless you skipped ahead just for this part. Well, I was privileged to see one of the greatest sites I have ever seen during my last visit... a midget stripper. To be completely honest, this was the only reason I agreed to go. One of my friends, "The Mayor", who attends on a regualar basis told us to go. The place he suggested used to be B-A-D. When I made my tours back in the day this place had girls that if they were 25 then they were 45... I kid you not. But the idea of a midget stripper was something I couldn't afford to miss. I'm not going to go into detail, but I will say that it exceeded my wildest expectation by leaps and bounds.
So this now presents us with an interesting little game here. what would be the perfect musical set for a midget stripper? While discussing this with one of my and the Reverends friends, Junior (he's a missionary who I tried to take to a strip club for his bachelor party...I failed... I mean what the hell...if you have a sexual position named after you then you should be able to go to the titty bar) we came up with some interesting suggestion.
(SIDEBAR: I don't want to hear anyone tell me how mean this is because...DUH..she knows she's a midget and she knows she a stripper. It was her choice to combine the awesomeness into one)
So as it stands at the moment, my top suggestions for a three song set is as follows:
"Tiny Dancer" - Elton John
"All the Small Things" - Blink 182
"Little Miss Can't be Wrong" - The Spin Doctors
ALSO CONSIDERED:
"Little People" - The White Stripes...but it's just too easy
"Jump" - Van Halen... cause their short and it's just funny
"Little Pink Houses" - John Mellencamp
"Little Red Corvette" - Prince
Okay, I could go on for hours and if anyone has any suggestions, please help me out.
Now let's go through a quick rundown Of Randy's night at Titty City. I like to be front and center where I can see the show and maybe even be the show. After we got our table, we found the midget. I didn't tell you her name was Sugar because I have already went long and I didn't even want to get into my "Sweet and Low" jokes. After having a visit by the purpose of our visit we heard an announcement about the only true lesbian act in town. We didn't believe it. The DJ comes over the speaker and says to find your favorite girl (the college kids and the dirty old men looked like they were 5 year olds at an Easter egg hunt), because it was time for the free dance. FREE...hell, Randy's in. After finding a girl (it didn't matter..it was free) we get told that we now have to dance for the girls. I was very proud when the DJ singled me out and suggested maybe I should be on stage...or maybe get laid (come big or stay home baby...come big or stay home). As the night passed, nothing really exciting happened. I got entranced by a girl who had perfected the "Booty Clap" (Google it) and that was about it. About the time we were getting ready to leave we heard that we should turn our attention to the main stage where Candy and Dixie were about to perform... the only lesbian show in town it was.
DEAL WITH IT,
Randy Daily
Ahhhhh, I know what you each and everyone are thinking..."Why in the hell has it taken Randy so long to talk about something that has to be so near and dear to his heart?" Well, contrary to what you might believe, Randy is not a regular patron to these fine establishments that have been helping the single mom, college student and (my favorite) the exhibitionist make ends meet (plus some).
I know many of you are sitting there in front of your computer think I am a bold faced liar. Think what you will, but it has been almost five years since I was a regular customer at any of these fine adult establishments. That is until recently. I had an opportunity present itself that I just found too good to pass up (midget)...but we'll talk about that later.
First off, don't think that I am going to sit here and tell you that you should or shouldn't go... 'cause I don't give a damn. I'm not gonna sit here and say how wrong it is for these girls to be subjecting themselves to this... 'cause I don't give a damn... instead I am going to talk about a few things that I find humorous (I've already mentioned a freakin' midget) and maybe give you the rundown of your good friend Randy's night out.
First of all, let's talk about these fools who come into the club and after sitting there for thirty minutes without so much as clapping for any of the girls, decide they have a favorite. Sure this is innocent enough... after all we all have our favorite everything...jeans, t-shirts, song and (speaking for most any guy who has ever entered a room where there were the fine creatures of the opposite sex) girls. But this gets blown WAY out of proportion in the clubs. Here's what happens...
1. You enter the club
2. You find the perfect seat that suits what you want to get out of the night
3. You order a drink (usually a beer..cause that's a mans drink)
4. You sit there and try to act like you're not at a strip club (you watch the sports highlights on the numerous big screen television and talk to your buddies about Kobe and Shaq)
5. You decide you'll go pass your wealth (a freakin' dollar bill) to your dancer of choice
6. You make fun of the cheesy strip club DJ when you know you would do anything to have his job
7. You finally see "Your Girl" and go tip again...maybe even a five this time (because damn it...she the hottest girl in here and has the best personality and doesn’t seem fake like the rest)
8. "Your Girl" stops by your table and talks to you for a few minutes and then asks if you want a dance and of course you say yes
9. "Your Girl" returns 45 minutes later to talk again
10. She gets up and you turn to your buddies and inform them that you think that she likes you.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Sorry about that...everytime I think of it, it makes me piss my pants a little.
Now let's break this down. I'm gonna start with the painful part first.... SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU!!!!!!!!!!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Sorry...get's me every time. Robin Williams once said that God gave men two heads and only enough blood to run one at a time. Never has a more true statement been uttered. You're a customer...that's it. Now go back and read my ten items that happen at a strip club. Now imagine that instead of talking about a strip club, we're now talking about a used car dealership. You show up...look around...find the car you want... have a salesman stop by... you talk...he leaves... he comes back...he leaves again. Hmmm, that sounds vaguely familiar...OH YEAH I JUST GAVE THE SAME SCENERIO...only a used car lot doesn't make you horny.
Now I know what some of you are thinking...these are still girls and they have to have normal lives too, so maybe you are the exception to the rule and she really does like you...that's what every other guy is thinking right now too. The real life part is true and if you ever meet one of them when their not working and you hit it off and talk...then you may actually have a chance. But when they are at the office, they are masters of their game. A lot of sales people are familiar with NLP (Nuero Linguistic Programming). It's a way of using language to effect situations. Well the girls have their own NLP (Noise Liquor and Puss...why can't you see).
That being said, if you go...then go and have a good time and spend that money because in some countries women get killed for showing their face and we pay lots of money to have them show us WAY more.
By now, I'm guessing that most of you have forgotten about my mentioning a midget...unless you skipped ahead just for this part. Well, I was privileged to see one of the greatest sites I have ever seen during my last visit... a midget stripper. To be completely honest, this was the only reason I agreed to go. One of my friends, "The Mayor", who attends on a regualar basis told us to go. The place he suggested used to be B-A-D. When I made my tours back in the day this place had girls that if they were 25 then they were 45... I kid you not. But the idea of a midget stripper was something I couldn't afford to miss. I'm not going to go into detail, but I will say that it exceeded my wildest expectation by leaps and bounds.
So this now presents us with an interesting little game here. what would be the perfect musical set for a midget stripper? While discussing this with one of my and the Reverends friends, Junior (he's a missionary who I tried to take to a strip club for his bachelor party...I failed... I mean what the hell...if you have a sexual position named after you then you should be able to go to the titty bar) we came up with some interesting suggestion.
(SIDEBAR: I don't want to hear anyone tell me how mean this is because...DUH..she knows she's a midget and she knows she a stripper. It was her choice to combine the awesomeness into one)
So as it stands at the moment, my top suggestions for a three song set is as follows:
"Tiny Dancer" - Elton John
"All the Small Things" - Blink 182
"Little Miss Can't be Wrong" - The Spin Doctors
ALSO CONSIDERED:
"Little People" - The White Stripes...but it's just too easy
"Jump" - Van Halen... cause their short and it's just funny
"Little Pink Houses" - John Mellencamp
"Little Red Corvette" - Prince
Okay, I could go on for hours and if anyone has any suggestions, please help me out.
Now let's go through a quick rundown Of Randy's night at Titty City. I like to be front and center where I can see the show and maybe even be the show. After we got our table, we found the midget. I didn't tell you her name was Sugar because I have already went long and I didn't even want to get into my "Sweet and Low" jokes. After having a visit by the purpose of our visit we heard an announcement about the only true lesbian act in town. We didn't believe it. The DJ comes over the speaker and says to find your favorite girl (the college kids and the dirty old men looked like they were 5 year olds at an Easter egg hunt), because it was time for the free dance. FREE...hell, Randy's in. After finding a girl (it didn't matter..it was free) we get told that we now have to dance for the girls. I was very proud when the DJ singled me out and suggested maybe I should be on stage...or maybe get laid (come big or stay home baby...come big or stay home). As the night passed, nothing really exciting happened. I got entranced by a girl who had perfected the "Booty Clap" (Google it) and that was about it. About the time we were getting ready to leave we heard that we should turn our attention to the main stage where Candy and Dixie were about to perform... the only lesbian show in town it was.
DEAL WITH IT,
Randy Daily